Have you been disheartened by your failure to attract a loving relationship this year? If you feel that attracting a healthy and rewarding loving relationship has gone beyond your reach, it’s time to change your way of thinking!
There IS someone out there for you! Who knows, 2010 may be your year – you just have to shift gears and take on new approaches to achieving what you desire for yourself in the coming year. There are many simple yet great internal exercises to finally finding that special person who will love you for what you are, and move forward with you to creating a loving relationship based on mutual trust and understanding.
First, you need to know what it is you truly desire in a relationship. Some want security, while others value respect first and foremost. It is vital to understanding what is important to both of you so there is no confusion regarding the importance of things within the relationship. Do you know what your love language is? What is at the top of your list?
Define your terms and create clear descriptions of your expectations. Learn to define exactly what you mean when you use the words love, trust, respect, compassion, etc – what does the word feel like, how would you know if the other person embodied that trait if there were no words to describe? Without a clear understanding of what each of you mean when using a particular work, you will most likely spark confusion and disillusionment. This is the reason why most people state “No one understands me!” It’s important first and foremost that you understand yourself.
Many seek out relationships without any clue as to what they really want. The need to belong to someone intimately becomes reason enough for them – sadly, most who seek out relationships based on this need alone end up so frustrated and alone in the end. They struggle to exist in the relationship because everything isn’t clear to them at the beginning; they are determined to have a relationship to the point where they are willing to sacrifice their soul in order to get it. However, when you know what you want, when you know how to identify the traits that your spirit desires in other people, you direct your efforts into satisfying those needs that you have identified as important to you quite clearly.
When seeking a relationship, always remain firm with your values. Although you may disagree with your partner regarding some beliefs or practices, you will earn their respect more by remaining firm with your precepts rather than sway on them just to please the other party. As much as possible, seek a partner who shares similar values with you; that respects you no matter what your life’s experience has been; that treats you with respect and kindness. It would be quite difficult to co-exist with someone who doesn’t give as much importance to certain things as you do or whose spirit is not complimentary to yours. I always say that the person you are intimate with/in a relationship with should be a compliment NOT a complication in your life. Would you agree?
Learn to identify what you want in your relationships. In Internal Groundwork section of my book, The 5 Phases of Dating… there is an exercise in which I have you create your 3 Lists ~ Your Must Haves, Can Compromise On’s and Hell Naws. This exercise is designed to walk you through identifying what’s most important to you so that YOU understand for yourself and you learn how to articulate that to someone else. So many partners fail to do this and become so comfortable in the relationship that they forget to move on to attain their goals and for the relationship. Discuss with each other what you plan to achieve every 5 or so years to find out if you share the same insight to the future of your relationship.
Above all, be true to yourself. Be honest and don’t sell yourself short of what you really deserve. Although it pays not to be too ambitious or choosy, give yourself great worth and go for the best that you truly deserve. Learn how to date just for the sake of dating. It should be fun. No one has ever grown emotionally by steering clear of relating to another person, for it is in the relating that we learn more about ourselves, where to place certain things on our lists and how we have been settling for less than what we need, want and deserve.
There is someone out there who shares the same needs and desires that you do, so go for the best so you make a choice that will last you a lifetime. Make yourself lovable and desirable. Be the type of person you wish to attract and make a resolution to be a blessing in someone else’s life this coming year. You are so worth it!
In 2010 I will be creating more books, e-courses, special reports regarding relationships whether personal, professional or the most important ~ with Self. Look for the release of my new book, Letters to My Son’s to be released by Mother’s Day 2010. In this book I will share with my sons, words of wisdom regarding the important things in life including relationships as being gardens for their souls. You can keep up with information regarding new releases at www.anitacharlot.com.
Happy New Year… May true love and companionship come your way!