As Strong and Fiercely Independent Women we often try to do so much for others that it feels like we are constantly “on.” You begin your morning in the typical fashion, while you’re brushing your teeth you’re planning your day, recalling conversations with your partner, relatives, planning dinner, etc. If you are an engaged employee or an entrepreneur, you’re strategizing for your business in your head, critiquing your last meeting or marketing effort, bottom line…you’re always in motion.
Now, let’s take a look at how always being “IN MOTION” affects the relationships around you. Oh, let’s not fool ourselves…our energy level DOES affect our relationships both personal and professional. When we don’t take time to disconnect from the world and make time for us we start to experience the following:
- No patience
- Guilt for not wanting to spend time with family members
- Sleeping more than usual (this is our way of shutting down mentally…after all who could argue with us being tired?)
- Avoidance of responsibilities
- Eating more carbohydrates (comfort foods)
- Consume more alcohol
The list above is only a small representation of the ways in which we “medicate” ourselves when we do not take the time to learn how to set boundaries on our time and our energy. I’ve had to learn this lesson over and over again. Just recently I took the time to slow down long enough to take stock of my energy level and found that I was guilty of this very thing.
Once I recognized what was happening, I began taking the necessary steps to balance the scales. In addition to the fact that I’m learning what it means to be “going through the change”…I’m also giving myself permission to reinvent the next phase of my life. I’m learning how to set NEW boundaries, identifying NEW energetic triggers and creating NEW habits that allow me to get “off the road” regularly and tune in to me. Doing this allows me to stay connected to my relationships – authentically and not out of obligation.
Has it been easy for those affected by this “change?” No. Do I still feel guilty for not spending the normal allotted time with aging relatives? Of course I do, however, I would prefer to be with them having built up my energy stores by taking care of myself than to show up and be short-tempered, disconnected or feeling resentful.
Our intimate relationships also feel the brunt of this energy depletion. Whether we say anything directly or not…they can feel it. A shift in energy with our partners can show up as the list above and/or include the following:
- We’re not as interested in sex
- We’re not laughing at their jokes like we normally do
- We are short-tempered
- We do not have a desire to do anything or go anywhere
- We have the “energy of having an attitude”
So how do we manage our feelings and not alienate those around us? First and foremost know that you have every right to feel what you are feeling, never feel guilty for that. The way you manage your feelings, your energy level is by setting aside time for you. How do you carve out time for you when everything around you requires your attention? You can do it by carving out 5 minutes a day or by immediately blocking time on your calendar for you. How you do it is totally up to you, however, if you need suggestions for what to do during your me time, read my previous post “How to Shower Yourself with Love.”
Learn how to manage your energy level in a way that it does not take away from who you need to be for you. Once you increase your energy stores and give to yourself first…then you will have more than enough to give to others. My metaphysician once told me … “Even though God gave you a gift to read the energy of others and give them what they need to feel better, to lift their spirits…he did not give you that gift to use it against yourself.” So today, I’m sharing this same information with you. Stop using your gift of sharing love with others against yourself…shower yourself with love first…then give to others. ALL of your relationships will benefit.
Now that I’ve shared this information with you, it’s time for me to give some “me time” to myself and practice what I preach. What will you do for you? I’m heading to hot yoga!
In light and love…
Your Relationship Architect
Anita M. Charlot, a Life and Relationship Coach for over 16 years, is the Founder and Head Relationship Architect at the Relationship Architect Academy, the first online academy of its kind dedicated to the Strong and Fiercely Independent Woman and the Men That Love Her.
Anita is also a Transformational Speaker and Workshop Facilitator ~ known for integrating metaphysical and spiritual concepts with practical applications and the author of several books including the forthcoming book From the Boardroom to the Bedroom ~ The Strong and Fiercely Independent Woman’s Guide to Removing Your “Boss Chick Persona” Outside of the Office to Attract and Maintain the Relationship of Your Dreams” to be released this year.