Many people are so busy focusing on finding someone to be in a relationship with that they miss the fact that they’re not actually ready to be involved with anyone. You would think that a person would know whether or not they were ready, but that’s not always the case. There may, instead, be a craving, a longing of sorts, to have someone in your life and someone that you can share things with. That’s not, however, the same thing as being ready to be in a relationship.
One sign that you’re not ready for a relationship is in the guys that you keep being drawn to. Time after time, the guy you’re attracted to is in no way the one that you need to be with. Even though you’re warned that he’s a huge player or a loser, it doesn’t stop you from latching onto him. It also doesn’t take very long to realize that you’ve made a big mistake…again. Dating the same guy, in different clothes.
If you must have a man in your life in order to feel happy, that’s another sign that you’re not ready to be involved in a relationship. When you’re invited to a social event, unless you have a date to escort you, it’s likely that you’ll make up an excuse to not attend. Having an “in-house +1” is never a good reason to jump into a relationship. You need to learn how to love, accept and be happy with yourself first.
Some women have yet to retire their “Captain Save A Hoe” cape. They feel that if they can just show him how much they love him, he will love them in return. What this translates to is that there is a deep need to satisfy a parental relationship. Because they have not dealt with their past relationship pain, they attract all sorts of drama in their lives. They find someone that’s so dysfunctional and emotionally bankrupt that they spend most of their time trying to save him. Girl, being a therapist isn’t the same thing as being a girlfriend.
On the flip side of that, there are those women that want to be saved. If you’re constantly talking about what a mess your life is in, how they did you wrong, how good you were to your ex but they just never appreciated you, you need to fix all of that before you can even THINK about being ready for a real relationship. What you’ll most likely do is attract a man with all of your same issues or more so that neither of you can get better nor are you able to GROW together.
You may feel you need a man to “complete” you. While this sounds great in a movie or in a book, reality is a bit different. There should be no completing. In fact, you might consider looking for a guy that will complement you and I don’t mean tell you how cute you look in those jeans. I’m referring to someone that adds something to your life, that adds value, that makes your life flow smoothly…a complement to who you are…NOT a complication. When you come from this place, this energy makes you look a lot less needy and a lot less desperate.
If you’re spending more time looking for love than enjoying the interests you have, you’re not ready to be in a relationship. Granted, you do need to be out there in social situations if you ever plan to meet the right guy, but don’t plan all of your outings around The Hunt. It’s not a good look and “the right guy” can smell desperation and loneliness a mile away…so can the vultures.
Deal with any leftover emotional baggage that you may have before jumping into a new relationship. The rebound effect, while wildly popular is rarely successful. Getting under another man isn’t necessarily going to take your mind off of your ex, just make sure you don’t call out the wrong name.
Last, but not least, if you feel you can’t be yourself around a new man, then keep looking. There’s no need to turn yourself inside out to make sure you’re exactly what he wants. Be more concerned about whether or not he’s what you want, instead. Get comfortable in your skin so that you can be the chooser vs. hoping to be chosen.
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With over 25 years of study in Relationship Patterns, Metaphysics, and Spiritual Connections, to the practical application and research, Anita has uncovered, tested and created a proven system that allowed her to attract and maintain the relationship of her dreams. She teaches this proprietary system and other courses focused on personal growth and attracting and maintaining healthy authentic relationships through The Relationship Architect Academy.
Interested in learning more about Anita M. Charlot, her customized coaching packages, bookings, professional speaking and keynotes as well as how to purchase books and products; visit her website www.anitacharlot.com.