Women seem to be more invested in keeping their relationships together than men do, for the most part. However, on the other hand, they also tend to unknowingly destroy their relationships in some very simple and unknowing ways. Once they start, it’s usually very hard to fix things.
For one thing, women can tolerate too many things they should not have. You don’t want to tell a guy that he’s rude and that he’s being disrespectful to you. Worse yet, you don’t like to even admit there’s anything wrong, so you stay quiet for fear of rocking the boat or sounding like his ex. There are ways to share this information with your man without making him feel attacked. It’s so much better to tell him what an ass he’s being in real time rather than let it fester.
In the beginning, couples tend to go out all the time. Eventually, things move into the “Netflix and Chill” stage, staying in more and more and spending quiet evenings at home having dinner and watching a movie. Don’t panic as this is normal. Relax and don’t force him into going out all the time when he doesn’t want to. There will be times when one or the other doesn’t want to go out. As couples, compromise is key.
I tell my clients all the time that are constantly complaining that “he never wants to do anything.” The exact words I use are “You need to get you some business of your own!” Meaning, you can not expect your man to be your only source of entertainment. Nor can you expect him to only want to go out with YOU and not with his friend. If you continue to habit of maintaining your separate interests in the beginning then you are more than likely to enjoy the time that you two spend together. You actually have time to miss each other…and that can lead to a “happy ending” when you do connect again.
Don’t get me wrong, when the relationship is new, you want to be together constantly. However, don’t let that keep you from spending time with your friends and family, too. He also needs to do that. It keeps your relationship from becoming suffocating on both sides.
What about the lack of sex? I’m glad you asked. It is possible that in the beginning, you and your boyfriend used to have sex 3 or 4 times weekly/daily if you have a high sex drive, but that can’t last and it shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean that you should just sit back and be ok with sex totally dwindling out of your relationship. But complaining about it and throwing a fit isn’t good way to handle it either. Think that’s going to make him want to jump in the bed with you any faster? Um, no! If it gets serious enough and you notice that maybe there is a big disparity between your sex drive and his, find time to talk about it calmly.
Also, don’t govern your relationship by what you THINK your friends and families relationships are like either. Just because other couples you know are constantly going out and doing exciting things and having adventures doesn’t mean that it’s really happening or that patterning your relationship after that of another to the most minute detail will be right for you and your boyfriend. When you start comparing your relationship with others, it only puts a damper on yours. The grass is not always greener on the other side and trust me…everything that looks shiny and interesting on the surface may have a ton of shit happening underneath the hood.
Some women just try way too hard. If the lack of sex has been an issue, it’s not helpful if you suddenly start greeting him in sexy lingerie and candlelit dinners … every night he comes home. He’s going to feel the pressure of having to match your efforts. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t do something nice sometimes, but you can’t expect him to perform on demand. And would you really want it anyway if you had to go through theatrics to get it? I know I wouldn’t.
Let’s move on to insecurity. Insecurity is one of the most unattractive features that a woman can have. The need for constant reassurance can wear thin on the nerves of anyone, especially your man. He wants to know that he has made the right choice. YOU should want to know that when he says he loves you, misses you, needs you, etc. that he really means it and that he is not saying it out of obligation or to reassure you, yet again for the thousandth time…that he does. Honestly, I love to hear the words I love you but I would rather be shown to me versus spoken.
Constantly needing this type of reassurance says more about your relationship with yourself than it does your relationship with the man in your life. Work on fixing that first. No matter how many relationships you enter in and out of, if you do not get right within, each one is going to bring up the insecurities that you held in the last one.
Don’t lean on your man for your happiness. You and ONLY YOU can source your happiness. Sure, he can play a part in that, but he can not be responsible for it. That’s your job. Get back to doing the things that brought you joy, they may or may not include him directly…and that’s ok. If you begin to source your own happiness, you will stop being so miserable when he decides to source his.
Avoiding these self-sabotaging behaviors or finding someone that you can work through them with, will lead to you actually feeling that he loves you without being forced to do so. On the other hand, it can show you that you were with him for all of the wrong reasons and lead to you letting him go.
Either way…learn how to transform the self-sabotaging behavior and enjoy a true connection with the man that you love.
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With over 25 years of study in Relationship Patterns, Metaphysics, and Spiritual Connections, to the practical application and research, Anita has uncovered, tested and created a proven system that allowed her to attract and maintain the relationship of her dreams. She teaches this proprietary system and other courses focused on personal growth and attracting and maintaining healthy authentic relationships through The Relationship Architect Academy.
Interested in learning more about Anita M. Charlot, her customized coaching packages, bookings, professional speaking and keynotes as well as how to purchase books and products; visit her website www.anitacharlot.com.
It’s disheartening to look at the sad statistics these days when it comes to the divorce rate compared with the number of actual successful marriages. So many women jump into marriage only to lament later in those same marriages that there are so many things they wished they had known before they said I do. This is true even of the women that married after living with their partner for a significant amount of time. It seems that even knowing your husband-to-be as much as you can from living with him still isn’t enough. Things women wish they had known before walking down the aisle include:
Anita Charlot ~ Your Dating and Relationship Coach 