You Can’t Continue to Give Authentically To Others If You’re Always In Motion~Time To Pull Off The Road

As Strong and Fiercely Independent Women we often try to do so much for others that it feels like we are constantly “on.” You begin your morning in the typical fashion, while you’re brushing your teeth you’re planning your day, recalling conversations with your partner, relatives, planning dinner, etc. If you are an engaged employee or an entrepreneur, you’re strategizing for your business in your head, critiquing your last meeting or marketing effort, bottom line…you’re always in motion.

Now, let’s take a look at how always being “IN MOTION” affects the relationships around you. Oh, let’s not fool ourselves…our energy level DOES affect our relationships both personal and professional. When we don’t take time to disconnect from the world and make time for us we start to experience the following:

• No patience
• Guilt for not wanting to spend time with family members
• Sleeping more than usual (this is our way of shutting down mentally…after all who could argue with us being tired?)
• Avoidance of responsibilities
• Eating more carbohydrates (comfort foods)
• Consume more alcohol

The list above is only a small representation of the ways in which we “medicate” ourselves when we do not take the time to learn how to set boundaries on our time and our energy. I’ve had to learn this lesson over and over again. Just recently I took the time to slow down long enough to take stock of my energy level and found that I was guilty of this very thing.

Once I recognized what was happening, I began taking the necessary steps to balance the scales. In addition to the fact that I’m learning what it means to be “going through the change”…I’m also giving myself permission to reinvent the next phase of my life. I’m learning how to set NEW boundaries, identifying NEW energetic triggers and creating NEW habits that allow me to get “off the road” regularly and tune in to me. Doing this allows me to stay connected to my relationships – authentically and not out of obligation.

Has it been easy for those affected by this “change?” No. Do I still feel guilty for not spending the normal allotted time with aging relatives? Of course I do, however, I would prefer to be with them having built up my energy stores by taking care of myself than to show up and be short-tempered, disconnected or feeling resentful.

Our intimate relationships also feel the brunt of this energy depletion. Whether we say anything directly or not…they can feel it. A shift in energy with our partners can show up as the list above and/or include the following:

• We’re not as interested in sex
• We’re not laughing at their jokes like we normally do
• We are short-tempered
• We do not have a desire to do anything or go anywhere
• We have the “energy of having an attitude”

So how do we manage our feelings and not alienate those around us? First and foremost know that you have every right to feel what you are feeling, never feel guilty for that. The way you manage your feelings, your energy level is by setting aside time for you. How do you carve out time for you when everything around you requires your attention? You can do it by carving out 5 minutes a day or by immediately blocking time on your calendar for you. How you do it is totally up to you, however, if you need suggestions for what to do during your me time, read my previous post “How to Shower Yourself with Love.”

Learn how to manage your energy level in a way that it does not take away from who you need to be for you. Once you increase your energy stores and give to yourself first…then you will have more than enough to give to others. My metaphysician once told me … “Even though God gave you a gift to read the energy of others and give them what they need to feel better, to lift their spirits…he did not give you that gift to use it against yourself.” So today, I’m sharing this same information with you. Stop using your gift of sharing love with others against yourself…shower yourself with love first…then give to others. ALL of your relationships will benefit.

Now that I’ve shared this information with you, it’s time for me to give some “me time” to myself and practice what I preach. What will you do for you? I’m heading to hot yoga!

In light and love…

Your Relationship Architect

Anita

Anita M. Charlot, a Life and Relationship Coach for over 16 years, is the Founder and Head Relationship Architect at the Relationship Architect Academy, the first online academy of its kind dedicated to the Strong and Fiercely Independent Woman and the Men That Love Her.

Anita is also a Transformational Speaker and Workshop Facilitator ~ known for integrating metaphysical and spiritual concepts with practical applications and the author of several books including the forthcoming book From the Boardroom to the Bedroom ~ The Strong and Fiercely Independent Woman’s Guide to Removing Your “Boss Chick Persona” Outside of the Office to Attract and Maintain the Relationship of Your Dreams” to be released this year.

Learning to connect with the truth of who I am has forged the path to attracting the relationship I’ve always wanted

I didn’t start out a strong and fiercely independent woman. I’ve had to be the strong one, the decision maker and the nurturer of others for so long; I didn’t think that the life that I currently live was possible for me.

In order to attract into my life the quality of love that I wanted, I had to make a conscious effort to let go of my past disappointments and get in touch with what was truly important to me. I had to identify whether or not I was the reason why I didn’t have the love that I so desperately needed. So I set out to learn all that I could about relationships, my feelings and how to combine the two so that I could create the quality of love that I wanted.

I have always been an overachiever. If I was going to walk down the road of introspection…it would be totally barefoot and naked. So I plunged head first into a degree program that was sure to test my faith and rattle my feathers…Metaphysics. It was the hardest challenge I had ever embarked upon. Little did I know that the hardest thing about the entire process was learning to let go and allow love into my life.

There were days when I felt like my fear, anxieties and pain would literally stop my heart from beating. As a single mother, a strong and fiercely independent woman, these emotions were too difficult to deal with so I learned how to push my feelings way down deep inside. If I didn’t allow myself to connect completely to another person then I could save myself from getting hurt. Man was I wrong!!!

Since failure is never an option, I pushed through the pain and the memories, uncovered the blocks to attracting and allowing the love I’ve always wanted into my life. I was often torn between wanting the love and actually being open to receiving it. I misread signals. I made a ton of mistakes. I imagined love where there was none. I trusted individuals that I shouldn’t have and I blamed others for the fact that I couldn’t or shall I say wouldn’t open my heart.

Then after a long hard road, days and nights of working through the memories, the pain, and most of all the fear of being vulnerable…I got it. I understood what was standing in the way. I learned how to connect with another from my “heart space” and I began to replace the painful memories with moments of thanks for all good things in my life. The more I showed gratitude, the more good things I received to be thankful for!

So, how do I stay connected in this way? When I awake in the morning, I give thanks for the new me, the new found understanding of relationships and the ability to not only give love to the person that brings me great happiness but to also receive love. The strong and fiercely independent woman is still there, only she’s learned how to open up her heart enough to allow someone else in…the right someone.

The good energy I generated by tapping into my truth started a ripple effect in my life. Getting clear on the quality of life and love that I wanted…helped me to attract more than what I could have ever expected to receive. As a result, each morning I start my day in a perfect way, reminding myself not to forget to give and receive love and that it’s ok. I have found that one good feeling leads to another. This positive energy boost helps me fly through my daily tasks with energy and momentum and continuously fills my cup so that I can share this new found feeling with you.

I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and I do forget sometimes and can be really moody as well. However, I realize that even the challenges of my day are there for a good reason and I’m grateful for the lessons I continue to learn from these obstacles. I welcome these challenges as they have proved to teach me the very things I need to know or to grow through in one way or another, as I seek the solutions to loving more authentically and more deeply.

Today, I strive to feel and give love to all that I encounter, as the strong and fiercely now INTER-dependent woman that I am and enjoy the energy of it. What about you? Aren’t you tired of maintaining those walls you’ve put up? Tired of fighting so much? Aren’t you ready to let down your guard and be able to trust another again, because you finally trust yourself?

If this sounds like you and you want to learn more about how a strong and fiercely independent woman can allow love into her life…the love that she desires, sign up to be the first to receive information on my new book “The Strong and Fiercely Independent Woman’s Guide to Attracting the Love You’ve Always Wanted” as well as the new Strong and Fiercely Independent Women Coaching Series. To learn more about “growing into” receiving love, check out www.anitacharlot.com and www.relationshiparchitectacademy.com

Here are a few Self-Reflection Questions for you in the meantime:

1. Do I tend to push people way that get too close to me?
2. Do I allow myself to feel and enjoy nurturing from others and its benefits?
3. How will connecting with my truth, accepting and loving myself 100% showing someone my gratitude brought me something good in return?
4. How can I show my willingness to be open to love more often?

P.S. The photo attached to this post was shared on Facebook. If you know the artist, please have them connect with me, I would like to give them full credit…it’s the coolest!!!